Ben alternated between tapping his fingers against his jeans and picking at the seam on his leg. He bit his lower lip as he checked his watch, hoping it would provide some sort of hint as to when this would be over. Nothing. No sign at all. Just the little hand mocking him as it tick, tick, ticked by.

“Nervous?” Her voice rung out like a bell in the fog. Ben snapped his head up, his eyes wide as he looked toward her. Her face was soft, and she smiled slightly at him. Ben fidgeted in his seat a little before answering.

“I guess,” he managed, finally. “I just wish it were over. I wish I knew one way or the other.” He glanced at her fleetingly, letting his eyes dance across the room between glances. He wasn’t sure how much he wanted to share with her. He managed a glimpse of a smile in her direction.

“Well, don’t worry too much,” she said. “You’ll drive yourself insane. It is what it is, right?”

Ben breathed out through a quick smile and nodded. He swallowed hard. “I think I need a drink.”

Ben stood, patted his pockets absent-mindedly before stalking towards the door. He passed through the door and down the hall, looking around hoping to find a vending machine or something. He followed the hallway around to the right, and as he turned the corner, he ran straight into him. There was a slight shriek that surprised Ben more because he didn’t know he could make such a sound. He looked at the man closely as he felt his hands on his shoulders.

“You okay, man?” The man asked Ben. Ben nodded quickly, blushing. The man looked directly into Ben’s eyes. “I’m serious, are you okay?”

Ben nodded again and glanced down at the man’s hand on his right shoulder which only made the man pull his hands away.

“Sorry,” the man said, “I just wanted to make sure I hadn’t hit you too hard.”

Ben shook his head quickly. He looked at the man’s eyes and couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen such clear, blue eyes. They were like ice. Ben felt a little buzz in his stomach.

“I, uh,” Ben managed before choking on a little saliva that had somehow built up in his mouth. After a second and a couple of coughs, Ben managed to utter, “I’m fine.”

The man smiled confidently. “Good. I did not have ‘run some cute guy over’ on my bingo card today.” Ben’s eyes widened and he stared directly at the man.

The man faltered for a second. “I’m sorry, was that forward? I didn’t mean anything by it other than you are cute.”

Ben swallowed hard again and pushed around the man. He started walking quickly down the hall only glancing back once to see the man staring after him. The man gave a small wave and turned and kept walking in the opposite direction.

Ben found a bathroom and quickly pushed the door open. He rushed in and made sure the door closed behind him. He went over to the mirror, put both hands on the sink, and breathed out in a heavy puff.

“What was that?” Ben asked no one in particular. More importantly, why was he aroused by the man? He’d never felt attracted to men before, but something about this guy sent a little wave through him. Did the man actually just call him cute? Ben was now acutely aware of his mouth which now felt like he’d spent the last few hours chewing on tar.

He twisted the faucet handle and let the water flow a few minutes before cupping some water in his hands and lifting it towards his mouth to drink. He took a couple of gulping handfuls of water before wiping his mouth on the back of his sleeve.

He returned to staring at himself in the mirror. He kept looking back and forth between each eye as if searching for something that hadn’t revealed itself yet. Then the reason he was here at all came flooding back to him. He frowned, sighed, and stood up trying to straighten his shirt a little. He brushed at invisible fuzz on his shirt before turning to leave the bathroom.

Ben made his way back into the waiting room and sat down in a chair as far away from anyone else in the room as he could get. He surveyed the room to see who was there, and noticed he was a little sad that the man wasn’t there.

Ben scoffed. “Of course he’s not here. Why would he be?” Ben thought to himself. “With eyes like that, why would he possibly be in a place like this?” He realized how stupid that was. Eyes were never a determining factor in whether someone would be in a building.

It then occurred to Ben that he was in the building, so he must have some need to be there. Ben ran a hand through his hair as he exhaled loudly. “What was taking them so long?” he wondered to himself. He glanced at his watch.

A voice called out suddenly, startling Ben, “Ben Carlton?”

Ben looked towards the voice and locked eyes with a middle-aged woman with bright red hair and perhaps the worst shade of orange lipstick he’d ever seen. She smacked her gum as she made eye contact with him.

Ben stood and started walking towards her. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets and watched the floor as he made his way to her. She led him back through a door, down a long hallway, and into one of several rooms that housed an office.

This one was fairly ornate with a dark cherry desk, some sort of orchid plant on the top of it, and stacks of paper at various locations as well. There was a computer display faced away from him, and he found himself studying it as he sat in the chair.

“He’ll be with you in a moment, Ben,” the woman said, flashing Ben a quick smile. She snapped her gum loudly once before turning and walking out the door. Ben breathed out, turned back around and waited.

It had only been about three minutes before the door opened, and someone walked in. Ben didn’t turn around, but he heard the man say, “Oh, it’s you!”

Ben stiffened. The man made his way around to the other side of the desk and sat down. His smile was stunning to Ben, and Ben found himself staring longer than he thought he probably should. Finally, Ben smiled back.

“Hello,” he said finally to the man. He tried not to stare but found he had a hard time looking away. The man looked down at the file on his desk, reached down and flipped it open.

“So, Ben Carlton,” the man said, looking back up at Ben. “I’m Dr. Stephens, and I’m actually stepping in for Dr. Broward who is out on paternity leave. And, uh, I’m sorry for earlier. Had I known you were a patient…”

“Oh, I see,” Ben said. “That’s cool.” That’s cool? Seriously, Ben? “I mean, it’s fine.”

Dr. Stephens nodded, grinning. “Yes, well, glad you’re okay. I think it’s also cool that I get to step in and take care of some of Dr. Broward’s patients while he’s away. Now, let’s see here, it looks like we got the lab results back.”

Dr. Stephens frowned a little. He glanced up at Ben and then back down at the report. “I see.”

“Well, Ben,” Dr. Stephens said after a bit. “It looks like you’re all clear. There’s no cause for concern.”

Ben’s eyes welled up with tears. He swallowed but suddenly his mouth was completely dry. The feeling in the pit of his stomach was as if he were on a roller coaster that had just come to a stop. After a moment, he managed a simple question, “You’re sure? No cancer?”

Dr. Stephens smiled and shook his head. “None whatsoever.”

I just happily paid for Hey. Will enjoy when custom domains come, but love Hey so much that I just don’t care. For once, email is under control.

I recently discovered this Shortcut for Saving the New York Times Newspaper Front Page to Day One - Brian Renshaw, and I’m obsessed with it. It’s my new favorite thing to add to my journal.

Florida State University tells employees they can’t care for kids while working remotely - The Lily

So in the midst of a rising number of cases in FL, FSU decides now is the time to implement this rule? Shameful. If more companies cared for their employees, they would focus on results rather than specific time spent “working.”

The best employers would figure out ways to help their employees with childcare needs knowing that most daycares, nursery schools, etc are closed. I’m not entirely sure what the right answer is, but this isn’t it.

2020 is far from over. Next level? A Flu virus with ‘pandemic potential’ found in China - BBC News

Can we hit reset and start 2020 over? It needs a reboot.

ExxonMobil announced they are the first U.S. gas stations to provide 3% cash back when paying with the Apple Card via Apple Pay! So many gas stations accept Apple Pay, which is great for contactless payments and personal hygiene, but to get 3% cash back is even better!

As we’ve all watched this pandemic unfold over time, it’s become increasingly clear that steps must be taken to limit the spread of the virus because there’s no viable vaccine yet. We need to limit the spread so as not to overwhelm the health care system.

None of this is new. There are people who argue about its effectiveness, but it’s not new information.

What has become increasingly clear, and perhaps brought about by the stunningly lax approach most of the federal government has taken, is that people – and mostly companies – are unwilling to simply require people to take these steps.

Walking through any shopping area or grocery store, many times you see signs “encouraging” people to wear masks. In areas where local governments have stepped in to “require” face coverings¹, they’re mostly half-hearted measures for the appearance of having done something rather than actually requiring something to cover one’s face.

For example, Publix has required its employees wear face masks but were quite late to the game. Even before local governments “required” face masks, Publix would not require their customers or even request that they wear one. Now that local government mandates are in effect in many areas, they’re still not actively enforcing it.

Some companies, on the other hand, have taken a stronger approach. Apple, for example, requires customers and employees wear masks at all times. It is strictly enforced, and if people choose not to comply, they are asked politely to leave and shop in other ways like the online store.

Why do some companies take a meager approach whereas others take a stronger approach? I think there’s a general fear of backlash, but I do think it’s unfounded.

Take the case of AMC theaters. They had originally stated when they reopened that people would not be required to wear masks upon entering their theaters. There was tremendous public pressure, however, and AMC quickly walked that back stating they would require people to wear masks.

There will always be people who balk at rules, no matter how well intentioned they may be. People, however, actually like having rules and order…so long as they’re enforced equally.

If every company banded together and said, “Listen, we want you to spend money with us, but you need to do so with concern for everyone’s safety. We require that you wear a mask in our store/theater/etc,” people would perhaps squawk at first, but would quickly get over it.

I’ve noticed I tend to use the smiley emoji a little too often in text. Is that truly a problem? Inquiring minds (mine) want to know.

From CNBC: Microsoft to close retail stores

The writing has been on the wall for some time, unfortunately. The stores never caught on as much as they should have.

In a hurry to protect statues but not people.

apple.news

Has anyone figured out the best way to configure preview on Marsedit for M.b? I’m doing a fresh install, and I’m finding it a little challenging. It was set up just right.

Sometimes starting fresh with a complete wipe and reset of the OS is a zen thing.  It really helps you see what you needed versus were just hoarding.

“You can be a stripe and get in line or be a star and not be defined!” - Eureka O’Hara 🏳️‍🌈

Today is Juneteenth. This celebrates the end of slavery in Texas that finally occurred in 1865. It took > 2 years after the Emancipation Proclamation to happen in Texas. Originally celebrated only in Texas, Juneteenth is celebrated nationwide. It needs to be a national holiday.

I’ve started using Day One in a little different way. I created a “Card Journal” where I can snap photos of the greeting/birthday/anniversary cards I receive and store them there.

I’m always afraid to throw cards away out of respect for the sender.

From the Washington Post article entitled, “Top State Department official resigns in protest of Trump’s response to racial tensions in the country”

A senior State Department official who has served in the Trump administration since its first day is resigning over President Trump’s recent handling of racial tensions across the country — saying that the president’s actions “cut sharply against my core values and convictions.”

I’m know it’s happened before, but it makes me feel ever so slightly better when someone finally stands up to say, “Enough is enough.”

It makes me sad that it took this long. His response to Charlottesville should have been enough, but on some level anyone agreeing to work for this detestable person should have known what they were signing up for.

It is possible many signed up with the hopes they could influence or mitigate some of the worst parts of Trump’s nature. Still, taking this long — almost four years later — to come to that realization is too little, too late.

The answer is, “No.”

Acosta to McEnany: Will Trump take responsibility if rallygoers get sick? - CNN Video

Country group Lady Antebellum changes name to Lady A | WFLA

It’s exceptional that we are seeing more and more changes like this as people put more focus on consciously working to eliminate racist ideas and thoughts.

This comment by U.S. editor, Arthur Levine, is the best summation as to why Rowling is incorrect in her thinking.

“I know you and I know you aren’t speaking out of hate, but I do have a different point of view about this. Gender can be ‘real’ without being established irrevocably at birth by one’s chromosomes or one’s genitals. The brain is also an organ that determines gender. Once someone transitions to make their physical body reflect their gender identity, then the ‘sex’ they then express is real. Trans women ARE real women, in their minds and in their bodies. Medical intervention on one person does not invalidate any who don’t need it.”

For those that are calling to boycott (again) the Harry Potter universe in all its forms — from book burning to refusing to attend theme parks — I get it, but it’s harming the wrong people. J.K. got her money. She’s richer than God.

Think of the Harry Potter universe as a child of a parent, in this case, J.K. Rowling. That child has grown up and is a fully realized individual separate from its parent despite any role the parent still actively plays in its life.

Burning the books is foolish because they’ve already got your money. You’re only hurting the planet. Not attending theme parks or movies or buying merch is hurting the hundreds of thousands of people who work to make this universe live its fully realized life. Actors, directors, designers, production, editors, writers, manufacturers, etc. The list goes on and on.

I understand being upset by J.K. Rowling’s thoughts on trans people. Donate to an organization that supports trans rights and trans issues. Share a story of someone you know who’s trans. Work to make this a better world. Write a letter to J.K. Rowling to express your viewpoint (respectfully).

Someone else posted this thought, somewhere, but I’m tickled by it because it’s true.

“Imagine that your autocorrect is not a machine but rather a pixie that lives in your phone. It’s job is simple: fix your typos to what it thinks you were trying to say. Unfortunately, it’s drunk all the time. And it stopped caring a long time ago.”

By Matt Cassem

She moves through life trying her best to be happy.
She wants love. She wants friendship. She wants peace.
She moves through life with little pieces of her being picked away bit by bit. Sometimes from behind a friendly smile.
She moves through life wondering why.
She’s tired.

He moves through life looking over his shoulder, even though he should have no reason to.
He wants success. He wants acceptance. He wants to live.
He moves through life looking back at himself in the mirror, tears falling down his cheeks.
He moves through life screaming into the void.
He’s tired.

They move through life looking at their children with hope, love, worry, and fear.
They move through life looking at their children wondering if they’ll make it.
They move through life looking for any advantage they can grab for them.
They’re scared for them. They’re tired.

What do you do when the world you live in seems is stacked against you.
What do you do when you can’t turn to the people around you who are supposed to love you?
What do you do when you feel there’s nothing that can be done?
What do you do when you’re tired? Fight on.

Fight on? Why?
When it feels like nothing will ever change, it feels like insanity.
When you’re too tired to fight any more. Fight on. There will be change.
Fight on because it matters.
Fight on because she matters.
Fight on because he matters.
Fight on because they matter.
Fight on.

Melatonin and Zyrtec. This should be interesting.

Reading “Stamped from the Beginning” by Ibram X. Kendi as part of a little book club with my sister and mother. 📚

Reminder: Set up 2FA on your Nintendo account, please. Don’t be fooled that you must install Google Authenticator. I used 1Password to scan the QR code, and it works just fine.

I’ve spent a fair amount of my evening emailing and posting as much as possible to get some movement on policing reform. I’ve also been doing as much as I can to educate myself. Starting a book club with my sister, and we’re starting with “Stamped from the Beginning.”